Illusive Infatuation

Illusive Infatuation Growing up I did not opine in the concept of dedicate do and long term relationships. My family members consisted of chief(prenominal)ly single women. All of which were bitter and unable to maintain healthy relationships with men. Divorce seemed to be second nature to me. My m otherwise along with s foreveral other next female members mother all been married three or to a greater extent prison terms. This made me want to stray away from relationships and tell apart in general. As I got older I squ arized that most of the sequence they seemed to race into delight based off early press, lust, and their biological clocks ticking.I remove learned from all of their situations. I realized that m whatsoever people, not as well as in my family, marry quickly based off love at first sight. It seems umpteen dont seem to take the judgment of conviction to know the person they atomic number 18 committing to. It gains me wonder what the rush is all about . I keep up decided to put a three year wait period on any relationships I enter. I want to throw away sure I know someone and that I am marrying for to a greater extent than love and infatuation. I do not want to sink in the deception of confusing puppy love with the real thing. I have based my realizations off of my personal experiences.I do wonder if there have been accounts of people marrying in short periods of time and genuinely staying to followher for 20 or more than than geezerhood. I have heard of instances of arranged matings working(a) out in that manner merely most were kept for political or family reasons. I have yet to see a documented story of a couple marrying during the fascination phase of early relationships and actually staying together. I would like to explore more into the depths of how and why we fall in love. Is it possible for someone such as myself to find happiness take down when I have only seen the negative outcomes in relationships?Is lone liness the founder option? As a child of a divorcee, it led me to timbre hopeless and apprehensive towards commitment. In Eve LaPlantes article designerise Break immediate she states that Like umteen offspring of divorce, I grew up with a poignant sense of loss. Besidesthe trauma of the dissipation and its afterwardsmath, theres the prolonged pain of missingone pargonnt and the security of an intact family. During my teens, I dreamed of afuture happy family, but entrustd my chances of ever attaining one were in? nitesimal. I felt inadequate as a potential marital partner my p arents divorce servedas a scar. (LaPlante, 476 ) This survival of the fittest was comforting. This was exactly how I felt through and through most of my younger years all the way up until adulthood. I felt hopeless and considered any relationships that I pursued to be temporary. LaPlante, however, isnt discouraged for long. She give notices up travel in love. This article is actually written fifteen years after marrying her soulmate. She says her victor is based off of the ability to be grateful for comparative happiness (LaPlante,476 ). I took this to mean that even though marriage is not perfect, if they compared their happiness to others they would be satisfied.This article definitely made me feel as if there is still hope for my own romantic future. The point that her medical prognosis went from a bitter young woman that dreaded the idea of marriage and was almost turned off marriage forever (LaPlante,476) to a charismatic happily married woman is astounding. She states that Marriage is good for my body as well as my soul. I like my physical self more than I did before. David ? nds me beautiful, which helps me feel beautiful. To be known by him is part of the joyousness we have nothing to hide. I ? d every human incident of him delightful, no less so as we age (LaPlante,477). It gives me the feeling that my old does not have to determine my future. My outlook can change. Even with the success shown in LaPlantes article I do realize that those results are not always typical. Is loneliness the better solution? It would allow me to bound over the failures, heartbreaks, and all the awkwardness in between. In the article privacy and Isolation by Jean M. Twenge she states that Isolation and loneliness readily communicate to anxiety and depression. A mountain ofscienti? evidence links loneliness (and universe alone) with negative mental healthoutcomes. Single and divorced people are signi? cantly more likely to become downcast or suffer other mental health problems. Even people in unhappy marriages are happier than those who divorce. (Twenge, 456) This leads me to consider that even an unhappy marriage is better than going through life alone. I am not sure I totally believe that. I understand that loneliness can account for concentrated depression but I think there are some other things we can focus on throughout life that make us happy.Th e reference to her friend Peter is very saddening. He spends his time being rejected via personal ads and spends his weekends alone. I honestly think he could take up another hobby, make friends, and enjoy life in other ways rather than just searching for a mate. A very good example of why spending all your time searching for love and maintaining relationships does not always work is displayed in the authors story of Leslie The cycle of meeting someone, falling in love and breaking up is a formula for anxiety and depression. .. In college, many people ? nd that their romantic relationships are a lifeline in an otherwise lonely placeuntil the relationship ends. Leslie, 20, went through a breakup a month ago. He was basically my whole life besides school and family, she says. Now I am very lonely and depressed because I dont have many friends and the friends I do have are all away at their colleges. (Twenge,455) If Leslie did not reach all her time to her relationship and her quest f or love thus she would not have lost as much as she did. It seems as if it works both ways.Breakups and divorces can lead to depression just as fast as loneliness. It seems that either way you end up taking a risk. The fact that divorce rates for first marriages are at 41% (DivorceRate. org ) is even more a deterrent from marriage. I still believe I would rather take my chances with loneliness. I believe I would end up losing far less and involving less people. What exactly is love? I know that I cannot possibly keep up this idea of vision for a lifetime. There must be much more to real love outside of the idea of love based off romance and lust.In the article Grown up love by Joan Konner she states that In the States we live in a farming that glori? es passionate, romantic love. Ourfriends are in love, dreaming or daydreaming of it, waiting and dating to fall intoit. Women and men begin new lives in love. Romantic love is our inspiration, our penuryour reason to be. Romance is a cultural obsession, an imperial nonesuch. We believe that love can be found, here and now and forever, in an instant, acrossa crowded roomor tomorrow, just around the corner. It canbut rarely. In reality, romance is more ? eting and more dangerousthan we are told, more complicated than we could have imagined, more elusivethan weve been led to believe. Love is a promise made every day only to be disoriented tomorrow. ( Konner, 485) This goes deeper into the psyche that most of us have as we grow older. Our culture glorifies romantic love, lust, and passion rather than the actual hardships of maintaining real love. It makes us to believe that we cannot live a fulfilled life without it. We are fed fairytales of long love, princes with magic kisses, and images of happy families in the media.We never really learn the discrepancy between infatuation, romance, and real love. The author states that she wants to distinguish love from romance, to explore the ideal of true love, or real l ove (Konner,485). We often cannot determine the diversity between temporary infatuation and puppy love. This could be another main focus in the causes of divorce and breakups. The author goes on to say that The fact that we say romance when we mean love showsus that underneath our actors line there is a psychological muddle. .. We are con- fusing two great psychological systems within us, and this has a devastating effecton our lives and our relationships (Konner,485) . This inability to burst romance from real life could be the reason why many tend to marry so quickly based off those initial feelings rather than taking the time to actually fall in love with someone completely. I have learned that no matter what life-style I choose whether it is being a wife or a happily single woman that it will come with hardships. If I am ever able to find someone that I am truly compatible with then I should take more time to get to know them.I should develop a foundation and wait for the initial infatuation and romance phase to subside so that I can make a clear decision on a lifelong commitment. I no longer believe that I am prey to the former(prenominal) of my family members when it comes to romance. I just need to make better decisions in choosing a mate and if I cant find one then I can lead a happy life regardless. I should find fulfillment within myself rather than completely confiding in a mate for it. Works Cited Konner, Joan. Grown Up Love. The Aims of Argument A schoolbook and Reader. By Timothy W. Crusius and Carolyn E. Channell. 7th ed.New York, NY McGraw-Hill, 2011. 485-87. Print. LePlante, Eve. Breakfasts. The Aims of Argument A Text and Reader. By Timothy W. Crusius and Carolyn E. Channell. 7th ed. New York, NY McGraw-Hill, 2011. 475-78. Print. Marriage and Divorce. Centers for Disease curb and Prevention. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, 05 Oct. 2010. Web. 26 Feb. 2012. . Twenge, Jean M. Loneliness and Isolation. The Aims of Argume nt A Text and Reader. By Timothy W. Crusius and Carolyn E. Channell. 7th ed. New York, NY McGraw-Hill, 2011. 454-57. Print.